Bridesmaid a.k.a. Ice Queen?

As the Bridesmaids enter into their 40’s we find ourselves assessing our accomplishments and wondering what lies ahead.  Ok, let’s be honest, we also dwell on our lost loves, the things we should have, could have and would have done differently.  Afterall, we’re only human and it’s natural to wonder “what if?”.  So in preparation of entering a brand new decade and phase of our lives, Bridesmaid #1 (me) and Bridesmaid #2 decided to seek counsel.  No, not the legal kind, but that of a stone thrower and tarot card reader.   Don’t laugh–this is serious stuff!

As two intelligent, professional women, we decided to invest some time and $60 towards some mind altering, life changing advice.   Ok, so maybe it’s not going to be so mind altering and life changing but hey what do we have to lose?  So an hour later, I find out that I really need to not be so hard on myself, let go of the past and perhaps work a little harder on giving off warm vibes if I’m ever going to break my current dating trend.  After 5 different card readings the Ice Queen makes an appearance twice…I obviously need to break out the heating pad and warm up!  I also received a head’s up….Mr. Creativity who I’ve not yet met, may get me arrested…I’m relying on the Bridesmaids to keep my nose clean.  Hey, maybe I’m not the Bridesmaid that needs to be cautious–I have always claimed to be the “voice of reason” of the 3 of us!   I am the least likely to meet a guy who may get me arrested.   All in all, I walked away feeling that I was gaining perspective on what I want to do to ensure the next 10 years make for the “Fabulous Forties”! 

Bridesmaid #2 (aka Ice Queen #2) has her first tarot reading and is surprised to hear a brief recap of the last 3 years of her life.   I did not fill him in–I swear!  Surprisingly, (sarcasm) the Ice Queen card makes an appearance or two for her too!  Yes, we are somewhat alike with regards to first impressions.  Honest, we’re not bitchy or stand-offish.  We are reserved and at times shy.   At the end of Bridesmaid #2 reading, she walks away knowing that things are going to be very, very good again. 

Was anything disclosed that we didn’t already know?  No.  What it was though, was an opportunity to share, reflect and make a conscious decision to not let our 40’s be known as the Ice Age.  Yes, it’s a work in progress but I’m happy knowing that I have Bridesmaid #2 and #3 along for the ride!

A Bailing Bridesmaid…

As far as Bridesmaids go, I consider myself one very lucky girl! The Three Bridesmaids have been friends since childhood. In fact, our friendship has outlasted many marriages, including mine.

When our schedules align, the Bridesmaids head out on the town to celebrate our friendship, talk about our lives and loves or to simply just catch up.

However, on occasion, a Bridesmaid will bail on an evening. Planning to just meet up for a quick drink then head home. Seeing as we are three, very busy professional women, with careers, homes, responsibilities, etc. It’s the common story we’re all guilty of – too busy at work, too much time on the road or just plain old in need of a night at home.

So in future, Bridesmaid #1, when dropping off the other Bridesmaids when you’re enroute home for some much needed rest…make sure you don’t leave a box of your business cards accessible in the backseat of your car!

You never know who the other two Bridesmaids may distribute your cards to at their next destination! Let us know if you get any phone calls Bridesmaid #1. It would make my day.

Love your friends,
Bridesmaids #2 & #3

Masquerading 40-Year-Old Men

I’ve decided to approach the ‘dating scene’ without any expectations, considering I’m relatively new to the party. Having assessed my recent status to be much like being invited to a party thrown by a ‘friend-of-a-friend’.  You head out into the swarms of people, but in most cases you don’t know anyone else on the guest list. Mingling, chatting, trying not to look ‘too single’, in the hopes of striking up a conversation with someone you see as interesting, possibly even ‘dateable’.
Considering that at I’m closing in on 40, I realize quickly that the number of ‘available’ men drastically drops, with many friends already married or ‘partnered’ off.  So, that being said, those left swimming in the pond may not be as good of a catch as one would hope. Seemingly, it’s like being in high school all over again, when all the popular girls are dating the jocks and the men left for your prom date are those from the camera club. Which, don’t get me wrong, that’s okay if you want some pics to commemorate the soiree. However, if you, much like me would rather not remember much about that evening, you start to wonder why you’re wasting your time?

When you do find some one of interest you strike up a conversation. He seems nice, decent and claims to be employed. Even if he wasn’t, you may neglect your once rigid standards: smarts, height, physical fitness, even personality.  A few dates later, you come to realize that maybe your choice was a little hasty or even clouded. Must have been the cocktails. By the fourth date you’ve decided that hanging out listening to tunes isn’t worth the boredom you’d endure, even if the sex is great.  During that moment, you look around and suddenly realize you are back in high school.

It’s like hanging out in your bf’s parent’s basement, dingy, dirty and in need of a good vacuum. This is where party quickly comes to an end.  You start to realize that the dude you’ve invested all of 5 weeks of your life to, only seems like he’s great. Although he’s 43 years old, he’s really just masquerading as a man with his shit together – he’s more like a 17 year-old snowboarding pot smoker with little to no ambition to get off of the couch. Which is filthy too.

Party ON!

Bridesmaid #3

Really? You must be kidding me?

In this day and age when your toe back into the dating pool, most people approach with reservation and a little tact – hoping to find a man with the similar qualities. The typical steps are as standard: join a gym, frequent social places where equally social men will be and even resort to online dating.

Yet, today I found a new way to look for that ‘special’ someone.  Today, as I was making my way across town from a business appointment, late morning, I was stopped at a red light and noticed a handsome, similarly-aged man in the car next to me.  One’s mind tends to wander when you see someone like this. What does he do? Is he single? Does he have kids?

Then, as I’m envying his perfectly manicured sedan, I see notice a decal on his window. On every window. Clearly, this guy is single because why else would you post your personal email address on every window of your Honda Accord!

I quickly went from interested to appalled. This would be exactly the guy I would reel in on-line!

I would have taken a photo, but I was too shocked.  I also envisioned the type of inquiries I would get if I plastered my email address across my car. No thanks!

However, in case you’re interested, the next time I see Mr. White Honda Accord, I’ll happily take a quick shot on my phone and send it along to you? But, who am I to criticize, maybe it’s working for him.

 

Bridesmaid #3

Scubs…

Scubs…..

 Have you ever had one of those moments where time seems to stop and a lump forms in your throat and you think OMG, what have I done?  This is just one of many instances that has left me less than warm to the idea of getting back into the dating game.

I met Bill one night when I was out with Bridesmaids #2 and #3 (first clue that trouble was brewing) and was newly back on the dating scene.  My type is tall, dark and handsome and Bill met one of the 3 criteria…a girl can’t get too picky her first venture back into the game.  Anyways, one night turned into a series of dates which evolved into what I will call a relationship. 

The writing was on the wall but I was blind to it.  The romantic home cooked dinner for Valentine’s Day which was actually stir fry in a bag was clue #1.  Not knowing how to do laundry to the point of turning all of his shirt sleeves from full length to ¾ length should have been clue #2.  But it came down to a 40 year old man not knowing how to get to the Big Smoke for me to smell the coffee and wake up.  Yes, 40 years old, born and raised in SW Ontario and we don’t know how to get to TO.  Give me a freakin’ break.  The fact that when said boy finally got to TO and I met him at Union Station, he didn’t even bother to dress the part.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, but let’s at least change out of the farm clothes and dress it up a notch for a night out in the city.  This was the 3^rd and final clue that the end was near.

The relationship ended on what I would like to think good terms.  Now the heart stopping, lump in the throat moment comes about 4 weeks after our break-up.  I’m at home one night, on-line, and an instant message pops up.  Yep, it’s Bill.  He’s feeling like chatting and after a few niceties, the “I thought you’d like to know” comment came up.  “Know what?” I asked.  “Well, I’ve got scubs now”.  (OMG, mind races through all familiar STDs and comes up empty)  “What?” I ask.  “You know, scubs.”  “Uh, no, I don’t know what you mean.”  (I start to feel an itch coming on that didn’t exist up until now and am wondering if something OTC will work).  “You know….scubs….I got them today”.    (My mind is still racing through all the possibilities and then I realize that he got them today—I should be safe).  “Scubs??”  “Yeah, you know, junipers.”  “Shrubs????”  “You have shrubs now?”  Jeezus!!!!!!!  And here I thought I was going to have to make a visit to my friendly pharmacist for an ointment for scubs!!!

April Fool’s Day

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April Fool’s Day….I thought this was apropos for my first blog entry as one of the 3bridesmaids.  Why is it so appropriate?  Well, when it comes to dating, I think I have had the April Fool’s Day version of the movie Ground Hog Day.  You know, when Bill Murray relives the same day over and over and over?  Well, that’s me when it comes to dating.

 

I have tried everything to change the outcome of my dating life:  blind dates, dating guys I’ve been friends with, the bar scene and yes, online dating.  And where has it gotten me?  Other than a library of funny, sometimes sadly so, stories, not very far.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have had relationships that have lasted years but I’ve yet to find the one I wish to spend the rest of my life with.  Many may say that I suffer from ‘commitorum metus’.  I know, in my heart of hearts, that I do not.  For those of you who wondering, that’s latin for fear of commitment.

 

So why am I single still?  I don’t know but, not only myself, but all 3 of us ‘bridesmaids’ have been told that we are too independent, too successful and the fact that we won’t settle seems to be a strike against us as well.  Now, let me get this right.  These are all the things I’m looking for in a man but yet, men don’t seem to find these same traits attractive?  Hmph!  Is this truly the reason?   I guess I will continue to seek the answer to that and hopefully along the way, will me Mr. Right.

 

At least I can say that my adventures in dating have provided the 3 of us many laughs, have been the cause of many empty wine bottles and we will continue to seek out the answers together.  This is the first of many blog entries the 3 of us will write I hope.  As we share the so-called trials and tribulations of being over 35 and single.  I look forward to a bridesmaids entry that I’m sure will be titled “The Alphabet Soup of Dating”.  I can see it now:

 

A is for…..
B is for…..
C is for….

 

Well, you get the picture!

 

Yours truly,
Bridesmaid # 1